


Just Another Friday

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, Humor, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 01:25:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/792428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The detectives of major crime utilize their matchmaking skills.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Another Friday

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first J/B story. I wanted an excuse to have Blair mad at Jim. It's a popcorn ball, lots of fluff glued together with sugar. Not very original. Guilty of using scenes for no other purpose than to move action. I had to play with the format to make it more readable so I structured it a lot less formally than I would a regular teleplay and added a lot more stage directions.

## Just Another Friday

by Landis McQuade

Author's disclaimer: The characters are the property of PetFly and Paramount. The song lyrics belong to Bon Jovi. No money is being made by me.

* * *

Just Another Friday 

FADE IN: 

Scene One  
INT. DAY. BULLPEN 

(Jim and Blair are at Jim's desk when Megan walks over and hands Blair a large white envelope) 

ANGLE IN: the return address reads Love For Sale in bright red letters and it's addressed to Blair Sandburg c/o Major Crimes, Cascade, P.D. 

BLAIR: Thanks Megan. 

MEGAN: Sure Sandy. Any day. What is it? 

(Blair casually glances at envelope) 

BLAIR: It's this great... 

(Jim holds his hand up to indicate he doesn't want to have to suffer through a long explanation). 

BLAIR: Just something that I've been waiting months for. It's been on backorder. 

JIM: Hey kids, it's Friday. We're playing police station today. Post office is Wednesday. Chief, I thought Simon told you to stop having your mail delivered here. 

BLAIR: He did. But this is special man. I knew I had to have it the minute I saw it and besides I'm here more than I'm home. 

(Jim waves him off) 

JIM: Conner, do you think you can finish that report anytime soon? I want to get out of here early today. 

MEGAN: Big date Jimbo? 

(Blair laughs. Jim elbows him in the ribs. Blair gives Jim a dirty look) 

JIM: It just so happens... 

(Simon appears in his office door) 

SIMON: Ellison! 

(Jim enters Simon's office. Megan eyes linger on him and Blair watches her watching Jim) 

BLAIR: Megan. Megan! Megan!! 

MEGAN: Ever wonder what it would take to make Jim scream? 

BLAIR: (blinks, tries to change subject) He's hardwired against that kind of stuff. Ex covert ops and all. Perfect candidate for torture. 

MEGAN: That's not what I meant. 

BLAIR: (flustered and waving his hands around). Oh no, do not go there. We are not having this conversation. 

MEGAN: No worries, Sandy. Just curious. 

BLAIR: Be curious about something else. Or tell a girlfriend. But keep me out of it. I am so not programmed for this. You know in gender specified cultures... 

(Megan pats him on the shoulder and winks) 

MEGAN:I bet Anthony could make him scream. 

(Megan goes back to her desk. Jim returns to his desk to find a speechless Blair) 

JIM: What're you in the mood for? 

BLAIR: Hard and fast. 

JIM: (raises an eyebrow) You're on the other side of 18, Chief. If the clowns at the pharmaceutical companies ever got a hold of you and your hormones they'd make millions. Put Viagra out of business overnight. 

BLAIR: Jealous old man? 

JIM: I have genetic advantages remember? 

(Jim hands Blair his jacket and starts walking to the elevator. Blair follows behind staring at his ass) 

BLAIR:(whispers) Yeah, man, you sure do. I think I have a few tests we could run to find out for sure, though. 

(Jim hears this, stops at the elevator and turns back to look at Blair. Their eyes lock in an intense stare but neither say anything. They get in elevator) 

Scene Two  
INT. DAY. TRUCK. 

The guys are driving through Cascade. Blair is still silent and Jim uses this to his advantage to go to Wonderburger. They pull into the drive thru and there is a long line. 

JIM: Number four combination? 

BLAIR: (wearing a dumbass grin) Whoa, yeah. Is that with or without handcuffs? 

ANGLE IN on Jim's ear which is picking up the rapid pacing of Blair's heartbeat. (He reaches out a hand to place on Blair's forehead) 

JIM: Chief, you coming down with something? 

BLAIR: (grumpy)In fantasy only. 

(The car behind them beeps and Jim pulls forward) 

JIM: So do you want it or not? 

BLAIR: Boy do I ever. 

JIM: The number four, Sandburg! 

BLAIR: I'd rather have a hotdog. 

(Jim's head swivels to face Blair. He is slightly perspiring and his jaw is working overtime. He rolls down his window and pulls up to the menu board) 

JIM: (to Blair, unaware the microphone is turned on and the restaurant crew can hear) Sandburg, if I wanted a bitch in heat I would've gotten a dog. Try not to mess up the upholstery. 

(The crew's laughter comes through the microphone) 

REW LEADER: (giggling) Hi. Welcome to Wonderburger. Can I take your order? 

(Jim orders. When they pull up to the take out window, the crew stares at them. Blair slumps lower in his seat) 

BLAIR: You are like so not funny man. 

(Jim ignores him, hands him the bag of food and they drive off) 

Scene Three  
INT. DAY. BULLPEN 

(Megan drops off the Sambora files on Jim's desk. They land on top of Blair's envelope. She goes back to her desk, grabs a coat and walks toward the elevator. She passes Simon in the hall and he halts her) 

SIMON: You done with the Sambora reports yet? 

MEGAN: On Ellison's desk, sir. 

SIMON: You headed out to New Jersey Technologies? 

MEGAN: Sayreville District, right? On my way. 

(The elevator doors open and Jim and Blair step out while Megan steps in. Megan winks at Blair while thoroughly appraising Jim's body. Simon walks back with them to Jim's desk and grabs the stack of Sambora records which now have the envelope stuck to them) 

Scene Four  
INT. SIMON'S OFFICE. 

(Simon is sitting at his desk sorting files when he comes across the white envelope which is now turned over with the blank side facing up. He opens it. Some photos and a letter spill out. He picks up a photo and gets quite a surprise) 

ANGLE IN: The first photo he looks at is a picture of Jim wearing nothing but boxers and the caption at the top reads /I've been lookin' for somethin' to please me since I don't know when/ 

(He is in somewhat of a daze over what he is seeing and he continues to flip through the pile) 

ANGLE IN: The second photo is of a towel clad Jim with the caption /You got if for your mind so come on, check this out/ 

ANGLE IN: The third photo he sees shows a clothed Jim stoking a fire in a fireplace. The caption reads /You can't stop the fire burning out of control/ 

(Simon places the photos face down on his desk and picks up the letter. After he reads it he lifts his phone receiver and makes a call) 

CUT TO: JIM'S DESK 

(Blair is there reading a book. The phone rings) 

BLAIR: Detective Ellison's desk, Blair Sandburg speaking, how can I help you? 

SIMON: (loudly) Send Jim in here. Now! 

BLAIR: (holding phone from ear) No can do... 

SIMON: Sandburg that's an order! 

(Simon slams down the phone. Blair flinches but shrugs it off, walks to Simon's office, knocks once and enters) 

BLAIR: He's down in the morgue. What's up Simon? 

(Simon shakes his head and doesn't look up) 

SIMON:(tense) Unless within the last half hour you have grown a few inches, gotten a haircut and taken up body building you are not who I want to speak with. Now get out of here Sandburg, get your partner in here, and when it's your turn I'll let you know. 

(Blair pauses at door) 

BLAIR: Everything okay? 

SIMON: Sandburg! 

BLAIR: Ok, sheesh, chill man, I'll go get him. 

(Blair leaves. Simon looks up and takes a deep breath) 

SIMON: No, no it's not. 

Scene Five  
INT. DAY. BULLPEN 

(Brown motions to Ryf. Ryf pulls a cassette tape of his drawer and leaves the bullpen. Blair takes the elevator down to the morgue. Ryf runs down the stairs to the evidence room) 

CUT TO: THE MORGUE 

(Jim is conducting his own examination of the body as Dan performs his autopsy. When he sees Blair he hands him a plastic bag with nice clothes. Blair reluctantly takes them) 

BLAIR: What I am supposed to do with these? 

JIM: Take 'em over to evidence would you. Ryf's gonna have a look at them. 

BLAIR: Yeah, sure whatever. Hey Dan. 

(Dan nods at Blair and continues with the autopsy) 

BLAIR: Simon wants to see you. 

JIM: Chief, I'm a little busy here. 

BLAIR: I can see that, but I think it's important. 

(Jim drops the wrist he is looking at) 

JIM: Call up if you find anything else okay? 

DAN: Yeah. 

(Jim and Blair exit. They part in the hallway as Blair heads up a flight of stairs to evidence lockup) 

CUT TO: EVIDENCE LOCKUP 

Ryf dumps a pile of video and audio cassettes on the counter. 

BLAIR: Hey Ryf. Jim wanted me to give you these. 

(Blair hands him the bag. Ryf picks out an audio cassette and gives it to Blair) 

RYF: Tell Jim to listen to that before the end of shift would you? 

BLAIR: (shoving tape in his pocket) No problem. See you later. 

(Blair exits. Ryf fills out evidence log with a huge smile on his face) 

Scene Six  
INT. DAY. SIMON'S OFFICE 

(Jim knocks once and enters) 

JIM: Sandburg said you wanted to me sir? 

(Simon rubs his temples and motions for Jim to sit but doesn't say anything right away. He looks thoughtfully at his coffee cup) 

SIMON: First let me say that as a friend I don't care what you do in your spare time as long as it's legal, but as your Captain I'd be remiss in my duties if I failed to inform you that that is not what kind of consulting I had in mind when I authorized Sandburg to work with you. I shouldn't have to remind you that fraternization is off limits. 

JIM: I'm aware of department policy Simon. What's this about? I mean I know the kid's a bit high strung and overdosed on hormones but I think he recognizes the need to stay professional. He's never actually dated a cop. He mostly preys on the unsuspecting lab techs and administrative assistants, but if you want me to have a talk with him. The university is pretty fertile hunting ground... 

SIMON: (meets Jim's eyes) I don't care who Sandburg dates. As long as it's not you. 

JIM: Excuse me? 

SIMON: How long have you had a thing for him? 

JIM: How long have I...? What!? 

SIMON: I didn't know you swung that way. 

JIM: I don't....I didn't...uh, sir that's really none of your business. 

(Simon gives Jim the photos) 

SIMON: This made it my business. 

Jim looks at the photos) 

JIM: What the hell are these? 

(Simon hands Jim the letter that came with it) 

ANGLE IN: It reads, Dear Cowboy, thanks for ridin' along. Come walk through the back door of heaven with me. We'll meet on the other side and share that dangerous kiss at midnight. No sleazy motels though. And no lines. Nothing but romance. You're satisfaction is guaranteed. And cowboy? It's more than just a ride. It's signed, Sticking To My Guns. 

(Jim drops the letter, jumps to his feet and starts pacing) 

JIM: You think I had something to do with this? 

SIMON: (shrugs) It /was/ addressed to Sandburg. 

JIM: (angry) You opened Blair's mail? 

(Simon gives him a dirty look that says, like you've never done it) 

JIM: That's a federal offense. (stops pacing) Someone sent Blair photos of me? Why? 

SIMON: You know Ellison, like I said I don't care what kind of contract negotiations the two of you get into at home. But I do care what goes on in this station and let me assure you it is not a playground for your sexual fantasies. 

(Jim sits down) 

JIM:`I'd like to think that over the years I've managed to exhibit some modicum of professional competency. This isn't my style. If I wanted to seduce Blair this isn't how I'd go about it. 

(Simon arches his eyebrows sharply) 

JIM: Come on, Simon think about it. Sending revealing photos of myself to my partner at my place of employment wouldn't be the wisest course of action now would it? Why would I risk my career for some cheap sexual thrill? 

SIMON: (growls) Kinks? Hell, who knows? Who cares? This is way too much information for me. 

JIM: (calm) We live together. Just suppose that (nods at photos) that this has occurred to me, don't you think I have plenty of opportunities at home to let him know that, uh... 

SIMON: Let him know you're interested? 

JIM: (squirming in his chair) Yeah. 

SIMON: So you do have a thing for him. 

JIM: No, I do not have a thing for Sandburg. (rubs his face and lowers his voice) It's more complicated than that. 

SIMON: (looking relieved) Oh, so it's a Sentinel thing? 

JIM: No. No, sir I'm pretty sure it's not a Sentinel thing. And I don't know who or why someone would send those photos to Sandburg. So why don't we pretend that this station knows how to deliver mail to the right person and that we never saw those. Just dump them in the trash and forget about it. And let's write this conversation off as well. 

SIMON: Just like that? Some whacko puts this package together and you're not concerned? 

JIM: It's a practical joke. Don't think I haven't heard the rumors. And fortunately it didn't reach the intended target. No harm done. 

(Jim stands to leave) 

SIMON: Sit down! (softly) Does he know? 

JIM: No! 

SIMON: Well someone obviously thinks he should. 

JIM: Well I both think we know why he shouldn't. 

(Simon retrieves a thick manual from one of his filing cabinets and pages through it. He finds what he's looking for, reads it over quickly and then shuts it with a smile on his face) 

SIMON: There's nothing in the manual about civilians dating cops. 

JIM: Five minutes ago you were chewing my ass out because you thought I was dating a civilian. 

SIMON: Oh shit, I can't believe I'm saying this, but hell, Jim that kid worships the earth you walk on. Take some advice. Tell him. This ain't no greeting card company you're working for here, if some perp thinks putting a bullet in your brain is an effective deterrent to going to jail it's going to be too late. Think about it. Now get outta here and get back to work. 

(Simon tosses the photos in the garbage. Jim leaves and when he shuts the door, Simon retrieves the photos and letter, puts them back in the envelope and reseals it) 

Scene Seven  
INT. DAY. BULLPEN 

(Blair is gathering up his stuff and putting it in his backpack when Jim comes back) 

BLAIR: Hey you didn't see that envelope that came for me did you? 

(Jim pushes past Blair and gives him a little shove so that Jim can maneuver around him to sit at the desk) 

BLAIR: Jim? 

JIM: (irritated) What? 

BLAIR: That bad huh? 

JIM: Don't you have classes? A lecture? Underage women to woo? 

BLAIR: (angry) Why do you have to be such a dick man? 

(Jim waves him away. Blair continues to search for his envelope, purposefully searching in all the drawers and slamming them shut, anything he can do to irritate Jim further. Simon is watching from the office, fingering the envelope. He exits his office, hands the envelope to Rhonda and whispers something to her before returning to the office. Blair gives up on his search) 

BLAIR: I can't find it. Shit. Shit. Shit. 

JIM: The way you get around Chief it could be in Timbuktu by now. 

(Blair stomps off only to return a few seconds later. He removes the tape Ryf gave him from his pocket and tosses it on Jim's desk. Jim doesn't even glance up which fuels Blair's anger. Blair removes his backpack, gives it a good swing, and whaps Jim with it. The impact causes Jim to sway and has knocked some paperwork off the desk) 

BLAIR: You are such a fucking asshole. 

(Blair kicks the desk. Jim massages his shoulder and looks up. Blair is a bundle of angry energy, pointing and gesticulating, opening and closing his mouth like he wants to say something more. After a few moments of silent ranting he leaves. Everyone in the bullpen witnessed the scene. Ryf and Brown share a smile) 

CUT TO: HALLWAY 

(Blair is pacing back and forth in front of the elevator. Rhonda quickly walks toward him) 

RHONDA: Blair? 

BLAIR: (embarrassed) Yeah? 

RHONDA: (gives him envelope) Jim's ... 

BLAIR: Jim's Jim. Sorry about the scene. 

RHONDA: If you ask me, he doesn't get laid enough. 

(Blair's eyes open wide in shock and he starts coughing. Rhonda pats him on the back) 

RHONDA: Simon wants you stop by the personnel office on your way out and tell them to set you up with a mailbox. 

BLAIR: Really? 

RHONDA: Yes, really. That (taps envelope) must be pretty important. 

BLAIR: To have me flying off the handle like that? Nah, not really. Just some sheet music. Thanks Rhonda. Have a good weekend. 

RHONDA: Thanks. You too. 

Scene Eight  
INT. DAY. JIM'S TRUCK 

(Jim is driving to New Jersey Technologies to meet Conner. At a stoplight he pops the cassette tape in the cassette player. Sounds of heavy breathing are heard, followed by Blair's voice. 

BLAIR: (O.S.) Uh, ooh, (heavy panting) god, yeah, that feels incredible. You know most people don't consider that an erogenous zone, aagh, ungh, but, in, uh certain tribal cultures it's believed to be a sacred act of intimacy that will bring you closer to the gods if you touch someone there, oh my god! yeah, unh, you know like certain northern indian tribes rub noses, oh man oh man oh man, do that again. (slapping noises and rustling of sheets can be heard) 

(Jim is breaking out in a sweat and swerving every now and again, his facial expression reveals that he is close to zoning out.) 

BLAIR: (O.S.)I, I, oh man, I don't think I can hold off. Too good. Right there. Tongue is good, oh, yeah, just like that. Heh, heh, heh, oh my god, man that's like so beautiful, thank you, thank you, thank you JIM! JIM! Jim I love you. Love you man. 

(Jim slams on the brakes, swerves to an empty parking space, almost causing a collision. He is staring at the tape deck as if it's possessed) 

BLAIR:(O.S.) (labored breathing sounds turning into sobs, a soft thud) Why why why? 

ANGLE IN: Jim's ear focusing on tape as the voice grows lowers. 

BLAIR: (O.S.) I'm gonna be strong. I am going to be strong. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if he doesn't want you or need you man. You take what you can get. (loud thud). Ow, ouch, shit that hurt. And you just accept it. Life sucks. Life really, really sucks. (more sobbing and choking sounds) 

(The tape fades into static and Jim is lost in memories) 

FLASHBACK TO: Blair saving Jim from garbage truck, Blair and Jim at the eye doctor's office, Blair giving Jim the white noise generator earplugs, Blair jumping out of the plane. 

Scene Nine  
EXT. DAY. NEW JERSEY TECHNOLOGIES 

(Jim drives up to the swarm of police vehicles. He gets out, crosses the yellow tape to where Megan is talking to some uniformed officers) 

MEGAN: Jimbo, bout time you showed up. 

JIM: What have you got? 

MEGAN: Evidence galore. A full-fledged confession. (nods her head towards a police cruiser where a young woman is being shoved into the car)It was an accident. Seems she was just trying to give him a wake-up call. He sent flowers to another secretary. Apparently she decided it was time to tell him how she felt, make him see what was right in front him. They ended up arguing about his playboy tendencies. Tensions escalated. She brained him with the crystal vase the flowers came in. Didn't realize the power of her own strength I suppose. Clear cut crime of passion. Tragic. Makes you wonder. 

JIM: About what? 

MEGAN: You know. Love. Why it's such a mystery. 

(Megan reaches out to touch Jim's cheek which has a slight bruise from where Blair whacked him with the backpack) 

MEGAN: What happened to you? 

JIM: You about done here? 

(Megan looks at her watch and Jim's cell phone rings) 

JIM: (to Megan) Excuse me. (to caller) Ellison. Oh hi Jennifer. Uh, yeah it does. Actually I'm going to have to cancel (Megan chuckles). No. No. There's somehing I have to take care of. No, it can' wait. I've put it off long enough already. Well I'm sorry you feel that way. 

(Jim snaps shut the cell phone away and pinches the bridge of his nose) 

MEGAN: No go? 

JIM: No. 

MEGAN:(smiling) You know Jim, your shift's almost up, why don't you head on home? I'll finish up here. Take a nap. Conserve some energy. You're going need it later. Sandy's a live wire. 

JIM: Conner? 

MEGAN: The videocams caught the whole thing. I've taken all the witness statements. There's really nothing you can do here. Go. 

(Megan turns her attention back to the crime scene, leaving a bewildered Jim climbing into his truck. As he drives away, Megan makes a call on her cell phone) 

CUT TO: LOFT 

(Ryf and Brown are in the hallway in front of the loft door. They've just attached a note with Jim's name on it to the door. Ryf's cell phone rings) 

MEGAN: All set boys? 

RYF: Operation romance a go. 

MEGAN: Ooh perfect. I'm almost done here. I'll meet you guys there in an hour. 

Scene Ten  
INT. DAY. BLAIR'S OFFICE 

(Blair has just finished grading papers and is now opening the envelope) 

BLAIR: Holy shit!(he reads letter) This is like so not what I ordered. (he looks back and forth between the photos and the return address on the envelope, shaking his head in disbelief but he is happy) But no way am I complaining. Oh my god. Does this mean what I think it means? What I want it to mean? Am I drugged? Dreaming? Yeah, that must be it because this is just like way too good to be true. Jim wants me? No, no can't be. (gloomy) Mr. Repressed and uptight? Not his style. This is a joke, right? Someone's idea of a sick joke, Sandburg and you like the dork you are fell for it like a love starved puppy. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

(Someone knocks at the door and he hastily shoves the photos back into the envelope) 

BLAIR: Come on in. 

(A student enters) 

STUDENT: Mr. Sandburg? 

BLAIR: Yeah, what can I do for you? 

(The student approaches the desk, holding out a yellow slip of paper) 

STUDENT: An Inspector Conner called for you. 

BLAIR: She called the office? Hmm, that's odd. 

STUDENT: Yeah, you really should give people your extension. It is why you have one. 

BLAIR: Why didn't you transfer the call? 

STUDENT: (sighing, now very annoyed) I tried. You weren't answering. 

BLAIR: Must've been on a bathroom run. You know, all that coffee, caffeine being a natural diuretic and all... What did she want? 

STUDENT: (waves message slip in front of Blair's face. Blair snatches it) Said to tell you Jim's feeling a bit under. 

BLAIR: (worried) Did she say...? 

STUDENT: There's an address. She said to meet him there ASAP. 

BLAIR: (reads message) This is a campus address. 

Scene Eleven  
INT. DAY. LOFT. 

(Jim approaches the door and snags the note) 

ANGLE IN: It reads, Mr. Ellison, Mr. Sandburg needs you to pick him up at the university. His car broke down again. Here's the address. Said he tried to call you but couldn't reach you. P.S. fix your answering machine or get a new one. Chloe, Apt. 306. 

(Jim heads back out without entering loft. As his truck pulls out of the parking lot, Ryf, Megan, and Brown round the corner carrying lots of bags) 

Scene Twelve  
EXT. DAY. SMALL BOTANICAL GARDEN 

(Blair is pacing frantically. There is no sign of Jim so he pushes back some foliage and starts looking in the bushes and behind trees) 

BLAIR: (loud whisper)Jim? Jim man you here? Can you hear me? It's your senses right? The light's too bright? What is it? Too noisy? What? Jim? Jim you here? 

(Jim pulls into the parking lot, gets out of truck, hears Blair calling him but doesn't see him. As he moves closer he sees Blair in the wooded area. He is somewhat amused by the situation and doesn't alert Blair of his presence) 

BLAIR: I can't believe this. I cannot believe this. Jim? Jim! Where are you? 

(Blair backs up and runs into Jim. He jumps but Jim reaches his arms out to steady him) 

JIM: Lose your keys again Chief? 

BLAIR: (spins around, looks Jim over for signs of injury) You okay man? (he pulls some flower petals out of his hair and notices Jim's smirk) Oh, I get it. I get it. (punches Jim on the arm) I was worried about you. I know I went a little overboard at lunch but this is cruel. 

JIM: (gives him that look that says you're a nutcase but I love you anyway) Did you call emergency road service to get that rusty bucket of bolts or are you expecting me to chauffeur you around all weekend? 

(Jim looks around and notices the Volvo is not there). 

BLAIR:(gives him a suspicious look) What are you talking about? 

JIM: Sandburg I'm losing patience. 

BLAIR: Seriously, I do not have a clue, here. 

JIM: (detective mode taking over) Chloe left a note saying your car broke down and you needed a lift. 

BLAIR: Huh? My car's fine. 

JIM: Why'd you think I was having problems with my senses? 

BLAIR: Megan left a message for me that something was wrong with your senses and that I should meet you here. 

JIM: And it's my customary reaction to drive over to Ranier, find a secluded spot in the botanical gardens no one but you knows about and hide in some shrubbery when my senses act up? This would be my native Neanderthal instincts taking over? Reverting to my primitive ways, Chief? 

BLAIR: You eat grumpy pills for breakfast or what? What is with the attitude today? 

JIM: Something's not right here, Dopey. (ruffles Blair's hair trying to lighten the mood). Why would Conner and company use false pretenses to lure us here? 

FLASHBACK TO: Jim watching Blair prepare a duffle bag to take on a stakeout with Megan. 

FLASHBACK TO: Megan giving Blair the Love For Sale envelope. 

(Jim and Blair are now avoiding eye contact. 

JIM: You done here? 

BLAIR: Yeah. 

JIM: Let's go. You have plans tonight? 

BLAIR: (hedging) Why? 

JIM: Because if you do I'll drive you to your car, if you don't you can ride with me and I'll bring you over tomorrow to pick it up. 

BLAIR: No plans. I'm an opportunist. I was going to. 

JIM: Build a love nest in the living room? 

BLAIR: Something like that. 

FLASH TO: Blair's intended plans for the evening. Blair is in Jim's bed, naked, covered from the waist down by the comforter. His left hand is playing with his left nipple while his right hand is moving under the covers. 

JIM: Sorry to disappoint you Chief, but you better call her and make alternative arrangements. 

BLAIR: (finally meeting Jim's eyes) No date, man. And I'm not disappointed. 

JIM: Good. Because we have a kangaroo to catch and interrogate. 

BLAIR: I'm down with that. 

CUT TO: THE LOFT 

(Brown is puttering in the kitchen with dinner preparations) 

MEGAN: All right, fellows. I think that's it. 

(Ryf is lighting candles. Megan's fixing the dining table with a bucket of champagne. She puts flowers and a large white envelope in the center) 

BROWN: They better appreciate this. 

MEGAN: Especially after what I had to go through in the way of evidence gathering to make the case. 

RYF: Like you didn't enjoy every sordid minute. 

MEGAN: Well maybe all 25. 

RYF: I don't know...(waves his arms at all their preparations. He seems a bit worried) 

MEGAN: No doubts, mate. 

BROWN: Yeah, after what happened in the bullpen today, some serious making up is going to be had tonight. 

MEGAN: What happened? 

RYF: Well there was this backpack... 

BROWN: And a very angry anthropologist. 

FLASHBACK: Megan remembering Jim's bruised cheek. 

MEGAN: You don't say. 

CUT TO: TRUCK 

JIM: She's not at the station, she's not at her place, and she's not at the gym. Where else could she be? 

BLAIR: Hey, it is Friday night. Maybe she had a date. 

JIM: You're right. We didn't check the zoo yet. 

BLAIR: Hey, this could actually work to our advantage. 

JIM: How's that? 

BLAIR: We have all weekend to think of creative revenge strategies. 

(An air of self-consciousness permeates the atmosphere and they are suddenly feeling awkward with each other. Blair notices the tape hanging out from the tape deck) 

BLAIR:(pushing the tape in) Broadening your horizons? I knew I'd be a good influence. 

(Jim is horrified and reaches out to prevent Blair from inserting the cassette but it's too late. Sounds of Blair moaning and groaning fill the cab) 

BLAIR: Oh. 

JIM: Yeah, Conner really knows how to use that surveillance equipment. 

(They both reach over at the same time to turn it off and their fingers brush and linger) 

BLAIR: Jim? 

JIM: (turning to look at Blair and smiling) You're an influence alright. 

BLAIR: (giddy and bouncing)Wait til you see what she sent me. 

JIM: What!? 

(Blair pulls the photos out of the pack. Jim's eyes grow wide) 

BLAIR: What? They're pretty good. Look. 

(Blair shoves the envelope at Jim, but Jim just pushes it away) 

JIM: This is embarrassing. 

BLAIR: (whistling) Nothing to be ashamed of. 

(Jim shakes his head but is smiling) 

JIM: You think? That's not why I'm embarrassed. 

BLAIR: Yeah, yeah, of course. Right. With your background it'd be pretty weird if you were shy about showing off your body. 

JIM: Hey, I'd like to think I have a little modesty. I'm not exactly comfortable with the fact that Conner was snapping off shots of me walking around in a towel. 

BLAIR: (light going on in brain)Wait a minute. You've seen these already? Were you in on this? 

JIM: (snapping) Were you in on this? (touches tape) 

(Blair snorts) 

JIM: Simon's seen them. 

BLAIR: What!? 

JIM: Love for Sale? /Love/ For Sale? When do you ever get sealed mail at the station? 

BLAIR: Whoa! Whoa. This is not my fault. Naming a music company after a song lyric is a logical advertising tactic. How could I possibly know it would end up on Megan's desk? Or that she thought things she had no right thinking about. Rumor mill or not. And what are you complaining about? She wasn't listening in on you jack...uh, you know. 

JIM: You heard the rumors? 

BLAIR: (giving him the of course look) I don't have to have sentinel hearing to be tuned into the office gossip. 

JIM: What did you hear? 

BLAIR: (defensive) What did you hear? 

JIM: Oh, the ususal. That you're my boy toy. 

BLAIR: Don't get any ideas. 

JIM: (teasing) None? 

BLAIR: Let's see if I ever blow you again in the break room. 

JIM: Okay, no more long, slow screws for you in the shower in the locker room. 

BLAIR: (serious) How about at the loft then? 

JIM: Let's save this discussion for later, Chief. I'm assuming you'd like all of your appendages to be properly attached when we get home. 

BLAIR: Yeah, I have plans for those appendages. 

JIM: (reaches out a hand to touch Blair's cheek)I hope so. We'll talk later, okay? 

BLAIR: Good idea. I can do that. 

JIM: Better than anyone. 

BLAIR: Hey Jim? 

JIM: What? 

BLAIR: What do you think we're going to find when we get there? 

JIM (stroking Blair's cheek some more) I think we already found it Blair. 

Scene Thirteen  
INT. EARLY EVENING. LOFT  
INT. EARLY EVENING. VAN 

CUT BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN LOCATIONS 

(In the hallway, Jim opens up his senses to check out the loft before unlocking the door. Blair looks at him expectantly) 

JIM: (sniffing) Hungry,Chief? 

BLAIR: I could eat. 

(Jim unlocks the door and they get their first glimpse of the loft which is flooded in soft candlelight. They hang up their jackets and circle the apartment surprised but happy. Blair goes to the oven and looks in) 

BLAIR: I didn't know Conner could cook. 

JIM: (snifs) Not Conner. Brown. 

BLAIR: (faux sarcasm) Those conniving bastards. 

(Jim is now in the kitchen standing behind Blair so that when Blair turns around he is in Jim's arms. Blair wraps his arms around Jim and they embrace. Jim's face is buried in Blair's hair. They hug for awhile. Focus in on Jim's ear. He reluctantly lets go of Blair and holds a finger against his lips. Jim follows the low buzzing sound to the couch where he digs around the cushions and comes up with a bug. He holds it up to show Blair. Blair comes over with a pad of paper and a pen. Jim takes it) 

ANGLE IN: He writes, play along. 

(Blair nods his agreement. They both move so that they are visible from the windows) 

MEGAN, RYF, and BROWN are sitting in a grey van just around the corner. 

MEGAN: I hear something. Finally. 

JIM: (O.S.) I hope you don't think I'm picking up your date too. 

BLAIR: (O.S.)So let me borrow the truck. Simon and I'll drop you off at Megan's. 

(The three matchmakers look at each other in astonishment) 

JIM: (O.S) I don't know. Maybe I misread her. 

BLAIR: (O.S.) No way man. I saw the way she was checking you out today. She is definitely interested man. The signals are loud and clear. Go for it. 

(Megan looks through binoculars and sees Jim pacing in front of the windows) 

JIM: (stops pacing) You think? 

BLAIR: (O.S.) Oh yeah. I'm like so not into having to clean up brain matter off the rug. I think she was dropping some hints at the crime scene Jim. From everything you told me... 

JIM: It's not that. 

(Through the binoculars Blair is seeing pulling down the blinds) 

BLAIR: (O.S.) Don't mind me. Atmosphere. So what's the hold up? She's attractive, intelligent, funny... 

(Jim takes Blair's hand and they walk to couch and sit down) 

JIM: You don't have to persuade me. But we work together. 

(Megan is happy with the compliments and Ryf and Brown are confused) 

BLAIR: (O.S.) So it's the professional thing, right? 

JIM: (O.S) Yeah. I know it works for you and Simon. But the fraternization rule doesn't apply to you. No rule that says a cop can't go out with a civilian. 

BLAIR: (whispers softly enough for just Jim to hear) Thank god. We'd have to break it and I know how you feel about rules. (He snuggles against Jim with his head resting on Jim's chest) 

(The three matchmakers' mouths are hanging wide open. A phone rings in the van. Megan snatches it up, Jim has tuned his hearing to listen in) 

MEGAN: Conner. 

SIMON: Conner, it's Banks. Sorry to pull you back in on Friday night but there's been an incident at the gala at the art musuem. I need you over there right away. 

MEGAN: What kind of incident, sir? 

SIMON: Stolen artifacts from a special exhibition. I don't know. I suggest you get over there and find out. 

MEGAN: You mind if I call Sandburg in on this one? Sounds right up his alley. 

SIMON: Yes I mind. He's not a cop. I'm sure if you need his assistance you can ask him on Monday. 

(Simon hangs up, Megan is stunned) 

MEGAN: I've got a case, guys. (she stares up at the loft windows) I guess we were wrong. 

(Ryf gives her a reassuring pat on the shoulder while Brown drives away) 

JIM: (laughing) They're gone. 

(Jim gets up and smashes the bug with his shoe and tosses the remains in the trash) 

BLAIR: What's so funny? 

JIM: Simon called in Megan's new assignment. She asked if she could bring you with. He said no. 

(Blair starts laughing and goes to serve dinner) 

SCENE FOURTEEN  
INT. NIGHT. LOFT 

(Jim and Blair have finished with dinner and have returned to the sofa) 

JIM: We'll have to send them a thank you. 

BLAIR: Mmm. Let them name our first child? 

JIM: You want kids? 

BLAIR: With you man I want everything. Everything. 

(They kiss) 

JIM: Why didn't you say anything? 

BLAIR: Why didn't you? 

JIM: Blair, you're straight. I'm straight. You're like a kid in a candy store around women. I've never wanted a man before. It's been a bit overwhelming. What was I supposed to say? Hey, Sandburg, pass me the salt, and oh, why don't you take your clothes off and we'll eat dinner in bed? I didn't want you to freak out. I was freaking out enough for both of us. I just... 

(Blair is now sitting in Jim's lap) 

JIM: I didn't want to risk losing you. 

BLAIR: Never happen, Jim. You'd have to get a court order to get rid of me, and even then I'd manage to find a way around it. You've got me man. Forever if you want. 

JIM: (rubs Blair's thigh) I want. When did you know? 

BLAIR: That I wanted more than friendship? (Blair grabs the hand rubbing his thigh and caresses it) It wasn't an overnight epiphany if that's what you mean. I just started realizing that no one in my life has ever been as close as you are. That no one knew me as well as you did. I just started noticing things, the way we are together. We're like married man, and it felt good. No, it felt great. Right. Like we were meant to be. And that's when I knew I wanted it all. That I needed more. That I needed a deeper connection with you. 

(They kiss) 

JIM: And this doesn't bother you? 

BLAIR: Love is love. The package doesn't matter. It's the person. I'm an anthropologist, remember? Open to learning new things, trying new experiences. You? 

JIM: (pulling Blair closer, caressing his back) When did I know? Or does it bother me? 

BLAIR: I think I'd be on the Ellison tour boat to Antarctica if this bothered you. 

JIM: (joking) I don't know, I think I'm pretty bothered right now. (he maneuvers Blair so that Blair is straddling him) 

BLAIR: I feel that. (breathes into Jim's ear) When? 

JIM: Believe it or not I think that caveman remark did me in. 

BLAIR: (laughing) That turned you on? You really are a primitive throwback. 

JIM: (whispers) You stayed. 

(Blair draws back and touches his forehead to Jim's while twining their hands) 

JIM: No time frame here either Chief. But I knew that when I found myself listening for your heartbeat in a crowd that it was more than a Blessed Protector instinct kicking in. When I found I couldn't sleep at night if I couldn't hear you I knew I'd crossed a line somewhere. I can't lie, Blair, it scares the shit out of me how deep this goes, how much I want you. How much I love you. 

BLAIR: Oh man, you don't know how much I've wanted to hear that. (Blair kisses Jim's forehead) Does this mean I can turn my room into a home office? 

JIM: So this is all an elaborate scheme to get an office? 

BLAIR: (rubs noses with Jim) Jim, Jim, get with the program. I'm horny and in love. It's all an elaborate scheme to get between your sheets. 

(Blair slowly extricates himself from Jim, making sure to engage in as much body contact as possible as he slides off Jim and the couch. Jim swats him on the ass as he turns around to head towards his bedroom. Jim gets up and creates a love nest in front of the fireplace. Blair comes out of his room with his guitar. He changed into his cowboy shirt) 

JIM: Hey, little Joe, grab the champagne will you? 

BLAIR: (with a twang) I never figured you for a romantic. 

JIM: You have lots to learn, partner. 

(Blair scoops up the champagne bucket and the white envelope) 

ANGLE IN: It reads, Love For Sale in the return address. 

(Blair laughs and opens it) 

ANGLE IN: it is the sheet music he ordered and the negatives of the photos of Jim. 

(Blair trying to carry the guitar, champagne bucket and envelope, ends up spilling the contents on the floor in front of Jim as he sets the champagne bucket down) 

JIM: Glasses? 

BLAIR: (glaring) Yeah, in the cupboard. You know where they are. 

(Jim gets up and gets the glasses, Blair starts strumming the guitar, playing th Bon Jovi tunes he ordered. Jim groans when he sees the contents of the envelope that Blair scattered on the floor) 

JIM: I am never going on another stakeout with Conner. 

BLAIR: Unh uh man. I think I get the prize for most embarrassing moment. 

JIM: What were you thinking? 

BLAIR: I wasn't thinking. I was sleeping. Dreaming to be precise. 

JIM: Some dream. 

BLAIR: Lay your hands on me and find out. 

JIM: Well I do have a fever. More like a permanent disease actually. I think it's going to take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy. 

(Blair puts the guitar on the couch and launches himself at Jim) 

BLAIR: Jim, you know Bon Jovi? Good thing you've got your own personal shaman. 

(They roll around the floor kissing. Shirts are removed. Chests are loved with lips and tongues. FADE OUT with talking heard in background. 

JIM: Blair, Blair honey, slow down. Zoning's one thing, total sensory overload... 

BLAIR: Jim, Jim, you're right. I'm on some major testing ground here. I was always curious about this you know but I never really knew how to approach the subject without pissing you off. Hold on a second. Just one second. I'll be right bacck. Although zoning on me, that's not such a bad idea. In fact I wonder if we engage all five senses simulataneously what would happen... 

JIM: Blair! 

BLAIR: Relax. Trust me. These are tests you're going to like. Satisfaction guaranteed man. 

JIM: Sandburg. Blair! You are not taking notes! 

Scene Fifteen  
INT. DAY. BULLPEN -MONDAY MORNING 

(Megan is walking towards her desk which is brimming with flowers and boxes of candy. She hesitantly approaches and snatches a card from one of the flower arrangements. Just as she is about to read it Blair walks out of Simon's office with Simon and Simon is patting him on the back and laughing. Jim is watching her carefully. He gives her a knowing grin. She looks away and reads the card) 

ANGLE IN: It reads, shot through the heart and you're to blame. 

(Megan meets Jim's stare, takes the flowers and tosses them in the trash, Jim looks distraught) 

BLAIR: (trying not to laugh) Harsh, man. 

JIM: (turns to look at Blair) She started it. 

(Megan rises from her desk, grabs a box of candy and walks to Jim's desk) 

MEGAN: Jim, I'm afraid I can't accept these. 

(Megan holds out th box for Jim to take, but he refuses. Blair intercepts it, opens it and pops a piece of chocolate in his mouth) 

BLAIR: No worries. I'll eat them. (to Jim) I guess I was wrong man. Sorry. 

(Jim bows his head in dismay and gestures to Blair that it's okay) 

BLAIR: Megan, Simon copied me on the info from Friday night's museum heist, I made some notes for you. 

(Blair hands her the file he was reading. She accepts it) 

MEGAN: Sure, Sandy. Thanks. 

(Megan gives Jim a dirty look before returning to her desk. From the corner of her eye, she notices Jim leave the bullpen and Blair hurrying after him. Curious, she decides to investigate) 

CUT TO: THE OUTSIDE PERIMETER OF SEVENTH FLOOR 

(Jim and Blair disappear down the hallway. Megan comes into view just as the stairwell door is swinging shut. She glances around the hall to make sure she's alone, then she presses her ear to the door to see if she can hear anything. She hears what sounds like sobbing. Thinking Jim really is upset, she opens the door hoping to extend an apology. She cautiously opens the door a crack and peeks in to find Jim and Blair hungrily kissing. She shuts the door) 

CUT TO: BULLPEN 

(Blair and Jim saunter back in, chatting and joking. Megan tries to conceal a smile as they settle back into their previous positions at Jim's desk. She opens the file Blair gave her) 

ANGLE IN: There are some notes scrawled along the edges of a picture of some fake artifcact. The left side reads, /you can't shop for love if you're shopping at Sears/ The right side reads /we've been living together for 3 years, 2 hours, 20 minutes, maybe four hundred beers and we still needed to call Lt. Columbo to figure it out. Good thing he was out and we got Inspector Conner instead/ The bottom has a big thank you scrawled across it. 

(Megan's phone rings) 

MEGAN: Inspector Conner. 

JIM: Don't forget to check your mail today. I hear they're having a special on... 

(Megan rifles through the papers on her desk and finds a large white envelope that reads Love For Sale. She opens it, gasps, looks up at Jim and Blair who are high fiving, then slams down the phone) 

JIM: So, Chief, where do you want to go for lunch? 

BLAIR: Well if we take that shortcut and you use the police lights we could probably make it home in 20 minutes or there's always the Ramada. You did bring the sleeping bags, right? Maybe we could just head out to the park. Or we could always... 

FADE OUT 

**If you aren't familiar with Bon Jovi and are curious about the lyrics I integrated into this story you can check out this website <http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/venue/6351/newjerse.htm>. If for whatever reason this link doesn't work you can directly type Bon Jovi song lyrics into a search engine and it'll list this site. 


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